You know, I don’t hate this song. It might be the musical equivalent of week-old KFC, but even so I bear it no ill will. It exists, it’s out there, and I can live with it.

I think the biggest factor in sparing this song my full ranty wrath is that it isn’t an earworm for me. Longest I’ve had it stuck in my head is about 20 minutes. I’m nothing short of thankful for this, given that I’m notorious for getting songs stuck in my head for days. But there’s more to it than that.

Another point is that I think I used up all my despair over the music industry with Rebecca Black. You can’t hate all the annoying, boppy, mass-produced tween anthems out there as that is just too much hate. Music will win and you will lose. Just suck it up and live your life. Failing that, use this as a chance to feel as though your tastes are superior to popular opinion. Come on. You know you want to.

But what ties it all together is that on some level I enjoy this song. Definitely not on a musical level. I really feel the success of this song was deliberate, rather than just being a chance hit. It was advertised pretty heavily, but I get the feeling it’s more than that. There’s something inherent in the song that other songs have somehow missed. Is it possible for an unintelligent song to be the deliberate result of popular culture geniuses? Are my intuitions right about this? Whether right or wrong, where are these intuitions coming from? What about this song is triggering them?

So, yeah. For me, the dumbest song on the radio is an intellectual exercise. I’m no role model, but you people would do well to follow my example. You’ll live longer and be able to spend all the extra time speculating on the hidden machinations behind trivial, every day nonsense like I do.