There are enough holidays that are essentially just excuses to eat lots of food, so why aren’t there so few holidays for indulging in sex? I mean I know there’s Steak and Blowjob Day, one month after Valentine’s Day, but why should a holiday that demeans both genders be chased by a holiday that demeans women?
(Gay guys celebrating Steak and Blowjob Day could get pretty awesome though).
Anyway, with the full understanding that good sex is better than bad food, I propose the following additions to the calendar:
A holiday for couples and fuckbuddies. On the first Saturday of winter, Snuggle Day is a magical holiday where clothes are forbidden and running any sort of heater is frowned upon. Whether wrapped up under a blanket together or taking the time to do the housework, this is a chance to celebrate each other’s sexiness in what is really a sex-optional way. It’s kinky, romantic and downright hawt.
A holiday for couples and fuckbuddies. Celebrate the first Saturday of spring with an endless barrage of Public Displays of Affection. Gross out society by constantly making out in parks, movie theatres, restaurants, anywhere that will have a less than appreciative audience. Decency dictates that you avoid doing this is supermarkets, playgrounds, churches and other designated “family friendly” areas, but I bet that just increases the thrill for you. Oh yeah, you are so naughty.
In no way do I advocate illegal behaviour, so keep it in your pants. After all, we wouldn’t want these holidays attracting a bad reputation, now would we?
A holiday for singles. Think about the last few people you dated or had a crush on. What personality traits do they have in common?
Short for “reverse personality”, this holiday is a chance to explore something new. Try going on a date with someone who defies, not defines, your recent trends, someone who isn’t “your type”. Like confidence? Try someone meek. Like bookworms? Try a fitness nut. Obviously I’m not insisting on someone you have zero compatibility with, but this is your chance to shake loose of your rut. After all, it’s just one date – worst case, you confirm what it is that you want in a partner. But you never know – something you think is a deal breaker might just be something you can live with in the right person.
A holiday for everyone. Celebrate how truly beautiful and wonderful you are by having sex with the one person you are certain loves you. If you have a partner, don’t so much as touch each other today – this is a chance for self-discovery, to become reacquainted with your own body. It’s a special time, an opportunity for a spiritual reconnection with what makes you, you. And let’s face it – the cards you could buy for a holiday about masturbation would be pretty funny.
A holiday for everyone, and the only one that needs its own safety word. Go on. Go nuts. You know you want to.
Anti-lawyer spell: As always, beersandtears advocates safe and consensual sex. Use protection, and make sure your sexual experiences are based on mutual respect. You don’t have to love each other, you don’t have to like each other, you don’t even have to know each other, but just remember that neither of you are pieces of meat.